


Insecurity

by kijikun



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, POV Second Person, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Threesome - F/M/M, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 21:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijikun/pseuds/kijikun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade's pregnant and Karkat is left wondering if there's room for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: universe-c

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're scared out of your mind.

"You're going to have a what?" you ask, certain you didn't hear right the first time.

Jade smiles wide and happy. "A baby," she says.

Dave has a look that’s cautiously pleased and happy at the same time. You think it makes him look stupidly adorable.

Gog, you pity these two. Though right now you wish you didn't.

"A baby," you repeat, feeling more kicked in the chest than joyful.

Jade takes your hand and places it on her stomach. "Yep!" she says cheerfully. "In about nine months."

Her stomach is still flat -- you can't imagine her carrying a life inside her. It seems wrong somehow. It is wrong in your culture. But Jade looks so happy. You swallow.

"Oh," you say and could kick yourself for sounding so taken aback. You wet your lips trying to find your trusty words. Dave is staring at you behind his dark glasses, you can feel it. "Congratulations?"

That's the right response isn't it?

You swallow hard. They won't need you now, will they? A perfect little human family, and what place does that leave for the alien? 

You want to bury yourself in your pile and come out when you’ve untangled the red strings that lead from your bloodpusher to them.

Jade twines your fingers with hers. "Karkat," she laughs. "Don't sound so serious. Women have babies all the time."

Do they? You never really paid attention to human mating and reproduction. You don't want to even imagine what carrying a grub - baby inside her will do to her body. Or how its going to come out.

Will someone have to cut her open to get it out?

You feel a little sick.

Maybe it's a good thing they won't need you. You're not sure you could take nine months of worrying about things that could go wrong and you don't even know how it works.

"I need to go," you say not even able to think up a good excuse.

Jegus, you need Gamzee. You need to jam about this. You need someone you can fall to pieces in front of.

Dave grabs hold on your wrist. "Where's the fire?"

The fire is in your bloodpusher, burning you from the inside out. You'd thought -- but you should have known better getting involved with two humans and trying to have the both as matesprits. This is what you get for being greedy.

You shake off Dave's hand. "Just tired," you lie. It falls flat even to your own hear handles.

Jade gets a little wrinkle on her brow. "Go bury yourself in your pile for a bit then," she suggests. "It is late for you."

You could kiss her for giving you an out. You nod and do kiss her because you're still entitled to it. They haven't officially broken things off yet, so you can kiss her all you want.

To your surprise she kisses back, then Dave tugs you over to him for bit rougher of a kiss. It's almost possessive, and it leave you confused.

You abscond.

***

You can't find Gamzee. You wish you could, but there are some places you won't barge into. Like Tavros' block. Gamzee is protective as hell over Tavros and though you get special privileges as moirail you aren't going to intrude on them.

The game has been over for several sweeps. Your dead friends are alive again. You live on the meteor even though you have strange new world where humans and trolls seemingly live side by side in peace to live on. A new world that's too strange for your liking, you just don't fit in.

Gamzee and Tavros have earned their happiness and matespritship more than you have. They worked and bled for it. You had yours fall in your lap.

So, no, you aren't going to intrude on them because your unearned matesprits are getting ready to toss you away.

So you bury yourself in your pile of DVDs and books. You settle down into a major feeling sorry for yourself session.

Maybe you should break things off first. Quicker that way, like ripping off a bandage. Maybe it'll be less painful of you. Maybe you'll -- you'll feel less like your bloodpusher is being shredded. Less like you do now.

Gog, how you wish you could share in Jade's joy. She looked so happy. The way she pressed your hand against her flat stomach, like it meant something. Maybe it's just a human female thing when it comes to having grubs -- babies -- whatever.

You burrow deeper into your pile, glad now that you hadn't fully moved into Jade and Dave's block. It would make everything harder for all of you.

You're going to miss them. The way Dave laughs and Jade grins. How they pile their bed with too many pillows so you can burrow in them.

Jade's curiosity. Dave's fucked up sense of humor.

Dave's hand on your skin tracing patterns. Jade's soft whispers in your ear as you all fall asleep. The way it feels to be inside Jade while Dave fills your nook.

Jegus, you'll miss just curling up on the couch with them and watching movies.

You close your eyes tightly and try to focus your thinkpan on nothing. You try to sleep if only to escape all these regrets and fears.

You'll tell them it's over later, you tell yourself. You'll end it quick.

Who are you kidding, you'll hoard every moment you have left with them.

***

The next night you see Dave first. You open your mouth, but Dave has you against a wall kissing you breathless before you can vocalize.

His teeth scrape your bottom lip.

You shiver and decide kissing him back for a bit wouldn't be that bad. You can tell him later, it'll be better to tell them both at the same time.

Your tongue traces his blunt teeth. You put your hands on his narrow hips. Yeah, you'll tell them later.

"Hey! No make outs without me!" Jade protests several minutes later.

You pull back from Dave in a daze just as Jade slides up next to you both. She nuzzles Dave's throat then nips at your jaw.

You shiver again and make a whirring noise in your throat.

Jade whines back in response.

Dave chuckles softly. "You two always make the weirdest noises" he says without any bite. He snakes an arm around Jade pulling her closer to you both.

Jade growls playfully and bites Dave's ear. He yelps.

You laughs despite yourself, then kiss Dave before he can complain. Jade makes a pleased noise and starts in on your throat. Her teeth are sharper than a normal human's and its perfect.

Dave's hips press into yours. You can feel him hard in his jeans and your bulge aches to unsheathe and wrap around it. Clothes separating your junk from his be damned.

Jade presses in closer, her chest sacks pushing against you in an enticing way. You turn your head from kissing Dave to slide your tongue into her mouth.

You kiss her until she's whimpering, until Dave's hips are working almost rhythmically against yours.

"Unless we decided today is the day to explore a new fetish, lets move this to our room," Dave suggests breathlessly, his voice rough.

You lean back from kissing Jade. "Yeah," you agree.

Jade whines in protest. "I like fetishes," she complains.

Dave groans roughly. "Later," he promises.

You just trill, brain derailed from anything useful by the thought of pailing here where anyone could walk by.

Dave groans again. He pulls you both down the hall to their block.

As you're pushed into the soft covers and pillows you decide you can put off telling them a few more days.

You'd be an moron to stop this.

***

Two weeks later you admit to yourself that you might never tell them. You pity them too much, you want them too much.

You keep waiting for the other hoof covering to drop, but it seems to be stuck hovering above your head. Jade keeps putting your hand on her still flat stomach.

They aren't telling anyone about the baby she's going to have yet. You thinks its a silly superstition at first until Jade tells him how common miscarriages are early on in a pregnancy. You find you can't even start to be rough with her after that. You're so afraid of hurting her, of hurting the tiny life she says is forming inside her.

She's putting up with you treating her like she's fragile so far.

Dave presses kisses to her stomach and talks to it which makes Jade laugh. "It's just a cluster of cells right now," she protests.

"But it's our cluster of cells," he shoots back.

You just feel out of place and in the way.

You start to read books about human reproduction and are horrified. Maybe you shouldn't have looked at those stats about how many women die in childbirth or how many ways there are for things to go wrong.

Terrified is a good word for what you feel for Jade.

You try talking to Dave who tells you not to worry so much. You can't talk to Gamzee because that would mean telling him about the life growing in Jade.

You spend a lot of time trying not to hyperventilate alone in your pile.

***

Jade's stomach is just starting to curve when you can't take it anymore.

Are they being kind? Or do they just plan to keep you around until whatever it is is born?

Your cuddled up with them in their bed, surrounded by blankets and pillows when you’ve finally had enough. Dave is tracing patterns on Jade's stomach. You can't stand it.

The words burst from you and you can't think to call them back. "Just say it!" you hiss.

Dave looks at you in confusion. Jade frown with her whole face.

"Say what, Kar?" Dave asks. He moves his hand to your hip.

You tremble. Why are they making this hard? "I know you don't need or want me anymore," you practically bark out. "Why are you drawing this out? You'll have your perfectly little human family. No need for this alien."

There's silence except for Jade sharp little inhale.

Then they both speak at once.

"What?" Dave says in tones that are both hurt and cold.

"You fuckass," Jade growls.

You swallow hard and start extracting yourself from the pile/bed. "Don't worry. I'm used to not being needed." Fuck, is your voice shaking?

Dave's hand tightens on your hip and he pulls you back with strength you forget he has. Jade wraps an arm around you, her nails digging into your spine.

"You are such a fuckass," Jade growls. "Why would you think we don't want or need you? When have we said that?"

"Very good question, Ms. Harley," Dave chimes in. His eyes are narrowed and shadowed.

He looks betrayed.

Your bloodpusher clenches.

Have you had it wrong?

"Human families normally aren't made up of a mother, father, child and the fucking alien," you say.

Jade bites your chin. "What if I want my family to be made up of that?" she asks. "There are families of all kinds for humans. So maybe I want my baby to have two dads? Did you even think of that?"

You didn't think of that. That idea never even crossed your thinkpan. "No," you whisper.

"We want you," Dave tells you firmly. "We love you. You're our fucking alien."

"Unless," Jade starts quietly. "You don't want to be ours. If you want out, if you can't handle being a dad --"

She sounds destroyed at the thought.

You feel like dirt for making her sound that way.

"I want to be yours. You're my matesprits, my perverted deviant matesprits," you tell her and Dave. "I don't know how to be dad -- my people don't even really have a word for it."

Dave snorts. "I don't know how to be one either. I just had Bro. I loved him, but I don't want to raise a kid like he did."

"I didn't have a dad or a mom or really anything but Bec," Jade tells you.

You swallow and think about how Crabdad took care of you. He did his best with you, you think. "So we're figuring this shit out together?"

Jade nods and Dave laughs.

"Let's just hope we don't fuck up this one too bad," Dave says.

"This one? Excuse you, but after this one someone else is having the next baby," Jade says with a giggle.

"Boys don't have babies, Jade," Dave protests. "Ever."

"That's not what Rose says," Jade says giggling harder.

Dave makes a pained face. "Stop talking to Rose. Please."

"Nope."

You laugh and kiss Jade's shoulder. "Maybe the one after this can be ectobiologically created," you suggest, mostly as a joke.

Jade looks pleased and rewards you with a kiss. "Who’s the smartest boy? It's you."

"Let's have this one first," Dave suggests.

Jade sticks her bottom lip out and pouts. "But science!"

Dave makes a pained groan. You just laugh and snuggle closer to your matesprits.

Jade gives you a fond look and you feel pity swell in your bloodpusher. You have nothing to fear from them. Your hand slides over the curve of Jade's stomach. Or the grub that will come.

Nothing at all.


End file.
